I went to Border's today, looking for nice things to read, and came home utterly disappointed. The literature of today is like sawdust in the shape of food. It's not really all that nutritious at all. True, we have some good authors, but they are far outweighed by all the crap that comes down the pipes. Especially in the Young Adult section of the world. It seems that all young adult fiction is either about angsty vampires, angsty werewolves, or some new girl in school learning about the popular girls and how she wants to be rich and pretty like them. Like this Twilight crap that's come out. UGH. It is SO TIRESOME to try and get through. It's like trudging through dull, sleepy mud. Aside from the fact that the main character is basically the author, and the vampire is basically the author's pedo-wet dream that she made an immortal so she wouldn't feel guilty about lusting over some 17 year old boy, the writing is tripe and the characters are unlikeable. Seriously, don't believe me about Edward? Go read her website, how she goes on and on and on and ON about how much she loooooooves Edward. The pedo part is up for debate, but I'm JUST SAYIN'.

I hate the fact that all the vampires nowadays are whining and angsty and basically de-fanged harmless little babies that would as soon cry as look at you. I blame you, Anne Rice. Yes, you. Give me a fangy, frightening, "silently write your obituary when you're in the same room with him" sort of vampire that sleeps in a dirtbox. Dude, you live forever? You live it UP! I think any self-respecting vampire with an unending existence to burn would not spend it POSING AS A HIGH SCHOOL STUDENT and reading the minds of the collectively shallow student body. But hey, that's just me. I mean, sure, for kicks for a little while, but for like fifty years? Nuh UH. Come on, you guys! SERIOUSLY.

Also, I hate gimmick publishing. Like Eragon. Dude, Eragon STILL pisses me off. But people love a gimmick, and they'll take it. I hate....I'm pretty sure I hate all of young adult fiction right now. It's a seething with that whole world at large, but I guess I can chalk it up to being past the stage where those books would be enjoyable. It's kind of frightening to think that there was a time when I would have adored Twilight. I think my Young Adult series of choice was Animorphs. Now those guys were HARDCORE. I frickin' LOVED the Animorphs! I mean, granted, I re-read them a little while ago with a nice dose of nostalgia, but they're certainly better than the hot steaming piles of crap that come out of the Young Adult rectum nowadays.

Adult fiction isn't all that much better. Granted, there are a few meaty writers like Gaiman and such, but there aren't too too many. I like Terry Pratchett, don't get me wrong and I count him in the meaty category, but sometimes I'd like a book that's....I don't know, more filling, rather than just handful after handful of cleverly placed references and humor. But it seems like so much of adult fiction nowadays is like "Diary of a Shopaholic" or "The Girl's Guide to Screwing 30 Guys", books with high-heeled shoes on the cover, or bright garishly drawn covers with shopping bags and lipstick prints, lurid details of sexual encounters are reassuredly couched within, of course. Gone are the days of substance and tale-telling, my friends. Gone are the days of the greats. I miss books that had characters you could identify with, characters that carried on subtle romances and wandered through mysterious, elaborate houses. Nowadays, Jane Eyre would probably pout in front of a mirror, complete with an insanely complex physical description followed by a pondering over whether the "form fitting Mark Jacobs magenta hip-hugging flare jeans in suede" made her look a pound over 105 or not. Please, please kill me lord. Fantastic dialogue, encounters you think of long after you've read the words, it has all seemed to disappear down the drain. There are books here and there that I like, of course, but it makes me sad when I think our generation's literature will be rememebered for things like Eragon and The Devil Wears Prada.

If I were any kind of a good writer, I'd try to go about righting the wrongs in the literary world today. Singlehandedly! ...Okay, not really. But I don't think there's anything I can contribute as far as the sort of thing I actually want to SEE. Likeable characters that don't fuss over their appearances! Subtle romances (I freakin' love subtle romances where every little look, gesture or word means something rather than just huggy kissy. My weakness!!), or even no romances! So many romances are soooo predictable nowadays. Another thing I hate.

"I hate you"
"I hate you MORE!"

Ten pages later:

*making out*

So predictable and annoying when you can pick up who'll hook up ten seconds in. Does there HAVE to be a hookup? It seems so many stories are written solely FOR the poorly worked hookup. Which, I suppose, is true of classic literature too, but come on, at least they did it RIGHT. Except Thomas Hardy. He can go die again in a fire with a pile of Stephanie Meyer books. I don't know if I'm trying to defend all classic literature, or just some. I'm not damning all modern literature, just most and....I'm just.....sdkhfshdfsdkfhsdf grrrrr.

I just want literary meatiness! Delicious meatiness!


GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!